The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
