I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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