I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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