Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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