Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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