OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
