I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
