Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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