is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
