I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
