I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize