Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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