i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
