i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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