God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
