wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
