You can't special order awesome
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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