Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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