i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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