you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
