6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
