i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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