we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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