Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize