you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
