I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's like iHOP with fire
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
