My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
