dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
