i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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