I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
