Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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