I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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