Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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