I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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