Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
