you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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