Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't think brook has ever known best
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
