New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
