So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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