Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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