You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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