i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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