she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I cut my penus on the lid.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
