My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
