Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
