....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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