Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
