Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
