there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
