We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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