So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never joke about your clitoris.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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