Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
