Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
