i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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