i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
