and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
