just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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