help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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