At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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