I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
