he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
