I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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