True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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