you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
