after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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