no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
