If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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